THE OLD MAN MOVIE: LACTOPALYPSE! (2019)

“The Old Man” (Vanamehe) is the main character in a series of stop-motion YouTube videos by Estonian film students Mikk Mägi and Oskar Lehemaa, which first went viral in 2012. This foul-mouthed, surreal and comic take on country life in Estonia, highlighting the gulf between the younger and older generations, has since found its way into the mainstream, including for TV adverts. It was only a matter of time before the Estonian Matt Stone and Trey Parker were offered the budget for a full, feature-length film. Having won awards at film festivals around the world, the 15-rated film is now set for a limited cinema release across the UK.

For this 90-minute feature, the usual episodic form needs the framework of a larger story. One summer, Priidik (Mikk Mägi) Aino (Mikk Mägi) and little Mart (Oskar Lehemaa), visit their grandpa, The Old Man (Mikk Mägi), at his farm in the countryside. Distressed by The Old Man’s exploitative treatment of his dairy cow (Märt Avandi), they let her loose into the countryside. Piimavana (Jan Uuspõld) is an “old milker”, who was forever transformed into a milk-human hybrid by a sort of nuclear explosion, which occurs if a dairy cow is left unmilked for more than twenty-four hours. It then becomes a race against time to find and milk the cow.

Throughout their quest, the plucky band are embroiled in a series of adventures. They have to provide sexual gratification to a Tree God (Mikk Mägi); try to de-escalate a murder spree at a woodland festival of moronic liberals; and escape from the stomach of a gigantic bear with the help of Estonian nineties rock legend Jaagup Kreem. There is also – in its own, sick way – a kind of pro-vegan message to the film. “I didn’t even know milk came from cows,” cries an exasperated Priidik. “I thought it came from almonds or something.”

One of the highlights comes right at the start: a black-and-white, Soviet-era propaganda newsreel entitled “Milk is Our Responsibility”, replete with a dead-eyed children’s chorus singing a nationalistic song. This movie has to be seen in the cinema to be appreciated in its full madness, and if you do, you will be surrounded by the hysterical laughter of your fellow audience members.

Screening at selected Picturehouse Cinemas Monday 29 May 2023, with a general UK release from 2 June 2023.

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